im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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