I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
