wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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