Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
