you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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