I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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