he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just want nice things and good sex
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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