that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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