I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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