Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
