i think my tv is drunk
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
