Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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