I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
People in love make me want to vomit
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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