This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
