I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I need a beard to bite.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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