god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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