It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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