I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
