I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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