it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
