That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
