i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
