His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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