1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
