I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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