i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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