i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
