and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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