I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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