Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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