so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
