Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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