i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
