Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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