Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just want to make out with him forever
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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