I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
