I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
