I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
