i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
two words...techno handjob
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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