You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
