i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
