im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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