I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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