So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
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