I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
