3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
