They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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