You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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