Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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