Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
