i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
