community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
