I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
