So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm just crazy horny about you
So much rum. So many feels.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
