im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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