it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
