You just made me feel so damn special
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
