So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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