the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
