how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
