Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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