Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
