Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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