Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
