I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
