things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
