even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
