He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
