it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
