I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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