no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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