"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
