I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I looked at my own cervix.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
