The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
