Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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